Whenever I am rethinking my story of dysthymia, when I try to retell how it began, whenever I try to summarize it for me to understand aspects of it better I realize the story is changing.
Recently I was on an offsite with my team and said I a few things I regretted later. That happens always to me when I have been amongst larger groups of people. It can be a normal day in the office but latest 15-30 minutes after leaving, my brain will start to regurgitate or ruminate conversations I had with others and in particular reflect if what I did was right. This usually is gone after 1-12 hours after a normal day in the offsite.
After this 48 hour offsite my brain took 5 days to go through it all. A small aspect of it I took into a coaching session and the outcome was that I shall discuss what I said there with the person I said this to. So I did.
And for the probably third or fourth time that person could barely remember what I said and even after I said it again said „who cares, it’s all fine.“
This time it was pretty shocking as I was certain that I did a well balanced, justified excuse. Now I start to doubt my instincts after such an event. Probably the sleep depriviation which always comes alongside and after working, offsites in particular, combined with a brain broken like a record.
Now, the next offsite just happened the following week. And guess what – for the first time since a very long time my brain didn’t do anything. It simply enjoyed the time with the colleagues (this time not team members though).
It was beautiful.